Sunday, June 29, 2014

Things That Don't Matter At All (And Some Things That Do)








I still get embarrassed when people ask me out.
I think it's funny when people are rude.
I like to talk to myself.
I have a crappy job.
I hate working out.
I like soft pretzels and caramel candy.
I cry during every movie I watch.  I even cried during Sky High.
If I could, I'd watch youtube videos for the rest of my life.
I still have my baby blanket.
I like apple scented things.
I used to have a big problem with lying to take the easy way out.  (Oh, it's still a problem.  Just not a big one anymore.)
I really hate it when people talk about themselves too much.  Kind of like I'm doing right now.
I have a crazy obsessive personality, and I probably have a social disorder.
I love musical theatre.
I could live off of strawberries and flan.
I like being alone more than I like being with my friends, which really worries me.
I went through a phase where I only said things I heard on TV.  I was convinced it would make people like me more and think I was funnier.
I still like to hold my dad's hand.  Even in public.
I am really uncomfortable with sexuality.
When I moved to Colorado I spoke with what I thought was a rocking British accent for a week, and then randomly stopped.  On an unrelated note I also had no friends.
I'm obsessed with Jessie Mueller.
I have a shopping addiction.
I'm constantly trying to prove myself to everyone I meet.
On two very separate occasions, I've used my dad's heart attack as an excuse to leave work early.

I keep a lot of my emotions to myself, and am afraid of being up front about my life with people.
Everything is a metaphor.  Everything is a simplified and censored version of the truth.
Yes, I lie.
Yes, I prefer to be alone.
Yes, I want to be happy.
But no, I don't.

I have too much in me, and I'm always different.  I'm always the same.
A constant existence with nothing to show for it.


I still wait for the bus to come where the high school got torn down.


8 comments:

  1. This is so beautiful and interesting. Beautiful and interesting. Beautiful and interesting.

    That part about your dad's heart attack is too real. That might be the realest thing I've read in a while. (And I've been reading this book called Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, which is the realest thing ever, so when I say that what you wrote was real, I know what I'm talking about.)

    And that last line is so beautiful. So sad. A metaphor, but real. It means everything.

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  2. The last part!!!!! The crying at movies part (I cried while watching barnyard, BARNYARD.) the middle part. The part about your dad's heart attack (obviously) the part about the baby blanket. The part where it all matters. All of it.

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  3. so beautiful. i loved every line.

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  4. Your dad's heart attack. Real.

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  5. A constant existence with nothing to show for it.

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  6. "I cry during every movie I watch. I even cried during Sky High." Me too me too

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